I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
