At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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