I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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