The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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