I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
