how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
