You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
