I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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