I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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