the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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