i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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