We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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