Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
