Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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