i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
