Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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