Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
