You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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