omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
