I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
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Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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