Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
