Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
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It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
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You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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