soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize