Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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