The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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