Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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