Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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