Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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