I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
