I wish i was in the wii world.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Less talking, more tequila
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
