god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
