Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
