My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
