Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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