mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
