Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
