Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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