This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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