Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
