i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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