u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
