My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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