She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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