I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This is my gift to your gina
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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