he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
