Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
