my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
