I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
