I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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