roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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