what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
