No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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