I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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