I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
