woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize