piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
