Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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