so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize