ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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