There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
