I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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