is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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