Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
whose parrot is this?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
