So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
