I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
