Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
