just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
