she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
