there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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