explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
