guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
