Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
